


Cheer up, Squirt

by Artdirector123



Series: Big Brother William AU [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Au where villain is good, Big Brother William AU, Brotherhood, Brothers being dorks, Envy true form, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Envy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 12:01:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10019930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artdirector123/pseuds/Artdirector123
Summary: Part of my big brother William Au where Hohenhiem didn't leave envy to dante.Edward and Alphonse are feeling down after another dead lead on the philosopher's stone. However, William knows the perfect way to cheer them up.





	

William frowned at his brothers who were currently lying about silently in their dorm in annoyance at their latest dead lead. They had found a guy in a town that everyone claimed could make gold out of nothing. Not only was this breaking the law, but if he was truly making gold from nothing, then this meant the man might be in possession of a philosopher’s stone. Willian had his suspicions on if this man was even making gold at all. He highly doubted that the man could have just stumbled acrossed a philosopher’s stone, and after they had all traveled over a hundred miles north, his suspicions proved to be correct. The alchemist not only did not have a philosopher’s stone, but his concoctions weren’t even gold at all! They were a mix of pyrite and brass. He was still arrested for false advertising, but the boys left the cold north tired and disappointed.   
William sighed. It had been almost three years since they first began their quest, yet they hadn’t gotten an inch closer to their goal. In a way, William was glad they hadn’t figured out the truth yet, but still he wanted to see his brother’s whole and happy again, and right now they were neither. He had tried everything to cheer them up after this disappointment, but nothing seemed to work.  
All of a sudden, William got an idea. A smirk played on his lips. There was still one ace left up his sleeve. One he could guarantee would lighten their moods. He quietly stepped out of the room for a moment as he put his plan into action.  
….  
Ed glared at the table as rested his head in his hand and tapped his fingers on the table with the other. He couldn’t believe it had all been a hoax at the same time, he didn’t know why he believed that guy had actually had a stone in the first place. He should have believed Will when he said it looked unlikely, but they had been so desperate lately they had to at least give it a try! Though now he was starting to wonder what the point of trying was anymore. They were no closer to finding the stone than when they had first started. Maybe this whole thing was pointless. What if his mistake could never be undone? What if Al was stuck in that suit forever thanks to him? He shut his eyes tightly as he brought his forehead down to the table.  
However, he did not stay in that position for long as the door suddenly slammed as it swung open.  
“What the hell do you maggots think you’re doing?!” A familiar voice shouted. Ed sat straight up. That voice was Basque Grand’s! Ed suddenly frowned what the hell was that asshole doing here? This was his private dorm, dammit! He had no right to come barging in, even if he was a brigadier general. Ed turned to give him a piece of his mind, but he stopped short when he got a good look at him. Ed and Al both blinked in shock, eyes wide and jaws hanging low as they saw the brigadier general was wearing a pink frilly tutu, a princess crown, and ballerina shoes with ribbons. It took him a moment to process this before he had to bring his hands to his mouth to stop himself from laughing. However it didn’t last long as he suddenly burst out laughing.  
“William?!” Al cried in between trying to stifle his laughter, “What the-Is that you?”  
William inwardly smirked before continuing his charade. “What are you worms talking about?”he snapped, “it’s me, brigadier general Basque Grand, with my Iron blooded mustache! Look at its magnificence!” He stroked the black mustache and exaggerated it even farther in the process. Ed had his head laying on the table as he continued to laugh. “What’s this?!” He cried, still in Basques voice as he marched up to Edward, “You dare to mock it? I’ll have you know this mustache has won several medals for honor and valor in ishval! It’s probably smarter than I considering the fact it's twice the size of my brain! Yes, this mustache struck fear into the hearts of many an enemy, boy! And if you don’t stop laughing you will learn to fear it too! FEAR THE MUSTACHE, MAGGOT! FEAR IT!”  
Ed began howling with laughter at that, slamming his fist on the table as tears streamed down his face. Al’s suit was literally rattling with laughter as he tried desperately to keep himself standing by clutching the end table. “Please, Will!” Ed cried between pearls of laughter, “No more! I can’t take it!”  
“I see you are overwhelmed by its power!” Will continued in Basque form, dancing away from Ed into the center of the room before pirouetting and flexing. “It is understandable. After all, it is the most majestic mustache in all the military,” he said before transforming the mustache so that it looked like it was flexing. Ed was now wheezing and red faced as Al had fallen to the floor and curled in on himself in laughter. “Oh god!” Ed cried clutching his stomach, “My gut! I think I broke something!”  
“Yes, that is its true strength,” Basque will continued, “It has to be that strong, otherwise, how could it support the weight of a giant ass like me! Infact, I might as well have these.” Will brought his hands to his ears, and when he removed them, two donkey ears had sprouted.  
Ed and Al took one look at him before their laughter got even louder to the point they were almost hysterical. Edward was now teetering back in his chair, laughing so hard he couldn’t breath. He felt like his lungs were ready to explode from laughter and that it would only take one more push to thrown him over the edge.   
And william was more than willing to provide that push. “Oi! Fullmetal!” He snapped, causing the gasping and teary eyed teen to look over towards him, “ What the HEHAWWW is so funny?!”  
With that Ed and Al let out a simultaneous roar of laughter before Ed accidentally tipped over his chair and hissed in pain, although he soon began laughing again, although not quite as hard. William winced, but continued to smirk as he walked over to Ed, changing back.  
“Brother? Are you alright?” Al questioned, his giggling ceasing for a moment.   
“Yeah, you had a nasty fall there,” Will noted crouching next to him.  
“No,” Ed chuckled as he looked up at his older brother, “I’m dead. You killed your little brother, you monster! How could you?”  
Will grinned. “Oh Ed,” he said sweetly as helped him up, “I thought you knew that was my plan all along! I’ve been planning to kill you with laughter for years.”  
“Oh wow, you’re so cruel…” Ed responded, rolling his eyes.  
“I know,” William said before moving onto Alphonse, “You need help too?” He held out his hand and the suit took it, allowing the homunculus to hoist him up. “Well now that you two are in a better mood, how about we head out to a park or something. You two need some fresh air that's not freezing cold. Besides, didn’t that teacher of yours say that exercise was good for the brain?”  
“Fair enough,” Ed said before following his brother out the door. However, as he did so, he and alphonse couldn’t stop chuckling after a few minutes he said something that surprised the Eldest brother.  
“God damn you William!”   
William turned to him in surprise. “Huh?” He asked, “what for?” What was Ed so upset about now?  
“Because, now we’ll never be able to take Basque Grand seriously again!” Alphonse explained.  
William blinked before smirking and chuckling. “Oh, You’re welcome!”he said with a wink before continuing to lead his siblings.


End file.
